First Sentences: Joseph Conrad, Victory

Here's the way Joseph Conrad starts one of my favorite novels of all time, Victory. I have the Penguin Books edition published in 1989. The novel was written in 1915. World War I had just broken out.

The story begins on p. 57:

"There is, as every schoolboy knows in this scientific age, a very close chemical relation between coal and diamonds."

Huh? What's this got to do with anything?

The note on p. 388 says,

Coal and diamonds are allotropic forms of carbon. Conrad uses this display of some degree of scientific knowledge as part of his characterization of the narrator (see notes 14 and 17)

Remember that the narrator, even if never named, is a character in the story through whose experience all the story gets filtered.

Well, in 1915, people were accustomed to this kind of stuff. All that scientific stuff in the first paragraph worked then. And you could get the point that

And I suppose those two considerations, the practical and the mystical, prevented Heyst -- Axel Heyst -- from going away." [p. 57]

I've reread this book at least four times and I can't ever get my mind around it. It's intrinsic inscrutability leads to my endless fascination with it.

This first sentence wouldn't work today. Conrad probably would never get published today. But we know about him already as one of the great writers in the English language and are going to go ahead regardless of the first sentence. And when we're done, we'll look back and say, "Of course, what a brilliant first sentence."

And English was his second language. He was actually Polish. Not bad huh? Try becoming one of the great writers in the Polish language.

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More on Pechivik

On page 44 we dump on Pechivik a bit. Here's some more. Pechevik calls Henry Mr. Harrison, rather than Harrier, just to send the message that the detective doesn't think Henry's so smart. "I've heard a lot about you, Mr. Harrison. People say you're quite the detective." Then Henry corrects Pechivik's missing of his name, for which the detective never apologizes, then says "I would never presume to be your equal."

If I were writing it again, I'd use the word "pretend." Quibbling, probably. Nonetheless, Henry's saying he wouldn't stoop so low as to be on a level with Pechivik, which the detective misses and thanks for the complement.

This is double characterization. With the dialogue that they share their personalities leak out a little. Which is what we want. And the humor makes it all go better because it's grounded in Henry's personality.

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Richard Pechivik

On page 44 we meet the police detective who is investigating Ian's death. He's right out of Sherlock Holmes, ignorant, inept, stupid, a comic figure which we are free to ridicule. I wonder how Scotland Yard felt about Doyle ravishing their detectives. I but at least some of them were upset about it.

If I were living in Philadelphia then as I am now, I would probably given him a different name, maybe George Passyunk, or Carl Kingsessing or something. I don't know. But this will well enough.

Whatever his name, he has absolutely no respect for Henry, whom he incorrectly calls Mr. Harrison. And he tells Henry in no uncertain terms to butt out of the matter and that the real professionals [the police] will handle it.

He also tells Henry that his favorite student is being charged with 1st degree murder. This of course drives the story forward.

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Letting the Story Run

Sometimes you just have to let the story run. In basketball, it's analogous to dribbling the ball down the court rather than passing it.

After we got done characterizing Ben on p. 37, the story starts to speed up. Henry has just said good by to Ben. Here's how it went:

Ben looked up at Henry. "Mr. Harrier?"

"What, Ben?"

Ben moved his hands faster. "I saw that thing."

"What thing, Ben?"

"Where Mr. Kearney fell on his head."

Henry bent closer to Ben. "You saw Ian Kearney fall off the balcony?"
Ben described Ian's fall in exact detail."

Detail, but the reader doesn't see it.

Characterizing slows down the pace of the story. So you have to think about what the story needs. How fast does the story need to go. Don't slow down when it needs to run fast.

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Writing is, to me, an entrepreneurial activity. Entrepreneurial ideas are the life's blood of my writing. For my entrepreneurial course, Entrepreneurship on Line, go to www.hatman2.blogspot.com. For entrepreneurial real estate to www.yourstopforrealestate.com/blog.

Black Box

On page 27, Will and Henry are driving through a sleeping world. Don't they inhabit a different world than anyone else's because of the errand they are on?

Last night on AMC, I watched a rerun of one of my favorite movies, Clint Eastwood's Mystic River. Eastwood's movies are fine. I thought The Unforgiven was probably the best Western I've seen since High Noon.

His work since then has been absolutely stellar, Gran Turino being only the latest. I grew up watching him on Rawhide, then when I got cable have caught up on his spaghetti westerns, which were made "waiting for the Rawhide pilot to sell. Though, his Dirty Harry movies I've liked not so much.

Anyway, in Mystic River, the story focuses on the lives of three men: Sean (played by Kevin Bacon; Jimmie, played by Sean Penn, and Dave (played by Tim Robbins). They were childhood friends from the same neighborhood whose lives were shattered when two men, one of who posed as a police officer (we're supposed to trust them right?), abducted one Dave, imprisoned him and abused him for a number of days before he escaped. Sean (Kevin Bacon) became a cop. Jimmy (Sean Penn) turned out to be a thug, and Dave married and had a son and remained a decent person but grew up confused and feeling like a man trapped in a foreign identity he can't figure out how to break from.

There's a lot to the film but one scene hit me last night. Dave (Tim Robbins) is talking to his son, who's asleep, and telling him he's living in a world different from anyone else's, and sees things they don't see, and by inference vice verse. If he could only get his mind right, he could get rid of this other boy and figure things out. This deepens our understanding of his character while it poses a question about the way we all live in the world. And it makes us more empathetic to him because of what happened to him all of those years ago. And it shows us how little power we really have in the world when in one minute, someone can whisk us away against our world.

My point is, don't we all live in our own little worlds? Weren't each of the boys abused by the act of the abuser? One became a controller, one an investigator trying to put the world right, and the other a destroyed person. We see things differently. We're each living in a black box in which other can see us, but we can't see them. Your characters should reflect this. Given all of this, how we we ever agree with anyone else on anything?

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Retrospective Point of View: "I'm still not sure about..." [p. 24]

On p. 24, Will says, "I'm still not sure about Fenton Kearney's angle." Will is still thinking about life in terms of acquiring an "angle". So how much did Will learn between the time of the story and the time he's narrating the story and commenting on it? You be the judge.

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Will Still Doesn't Understand Henry

Even after Will has given his life some thought, he says he still doesn't know why Henry demanded Will help him. He knew Will was not a private detective. He speculates that if Henry has known what Will was up to, he wouldn't have asked him.

I don't know. What do you think? I think Henry knew a lot more than anyone gave him credit for. I think he had a pretty good take on Will from the start. His very highly evolved intuitive sense, from being in touch with himself, gave him an edge in almost any situation.

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Julie's Lament

Julie on p. 16 enters the picture. Will's talking with her and among other things she's talking about her new editor who's not treating her very well. Typical of new bosses, they think they have to throw their weight around. She's complaining about him: "He acts like I'm not even important," she says. But is she talking only about Al Eddings, her boss, Henry, or Will? It's a form of characterization by analogy, by where you characterize someone by how they feel about someone else.

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Henry and Sherlock Holmes

On p. 14, Henry has agreed to help solve the mystery of Ian's death. They can hear Fenton and Brian talking through the wall as the walk down the hallway. Their conversation fades. Henry asks will to bring him his pipe and tobacco. Standard Sherlock stuff. I meant this as a clear signal that the problem would receded in importance and Henry would take center stage.

Once Henry takes on the assignment, Fenton says they'll "put out the story that [Henry is] is writing an oral history of the school. Henry quips, "by the time I'm through, I'll probably be able to."

It's fun for me to ruminate among all my friends here. But what do you think? Can we talk about writing here? Post a comment.

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Characterizing Henry

On p. 9, Will examines Henry's book shelf. He reports: "I ran my eyes over his bookshelves full of biographies of composers. There were collected works of Shakespeare, espionage thrillers, and poetry. The collected works of Carl Jung was there with them. Henry had always read widely." I don't know why I didn't include John LeCare, Sherlock Holmes stories, and Agathe Christie. Oh well.

My point is just that the tangible aspects of a personality is manifested in what he or she keeps on their walls, on their bookshelves, and what's apparent from walking in the room. Not everything on on the surface, though, but you can give a good indicator of character from what you can see.

In the opening of the film version of The Quiet American the narrator [Michael Caine's voice], says words to this effect: "In Vietnam you learn quite a lot right away. The rest of it must be lived."

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Will Making Excuses

Henry on p. 9 is chastising Will for not practicing. Will says he doesn't have time [the worst excuse in the world] and Henry says "You have to make time."

Then Henry tells a by now famous viola joke: "Did you know, the Julliard School has just raised its entrance requirements for violists?" Will says "No." Henry says, "Applicants now must be able to hold the viola unaccompanied."

Humor plays an important role in character development. It can be used to deflect the direction of a conversation or to call attention to oneself as particularly funny or special. It can be irritating or ingratiating. Depending on how it's used it can really help a person through life or impair one's relationships with others.

How a character uses humor tells a lot about him as a person. In this case, Henry used it to lighten things a bit.

This is me talking through Will. I don't ever find the time to practice.

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Seeing Will

Henry peeked out from behind the door. He frowned at Will and said, "Ah, there you are, Will." and, "It took me a while to see you."

I think Henry's getting a pretty good look at Will. More foreshadowing, though.

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Writing is, to me, an entrepreneurial activity. Entrepreneurial ideas are the life's blood of my writing. For my entrepreneurial course, go to www.hatman2.blogspot.com. For entrepreneurial real estate to www.yourstopforrealestate.com/blog

Will's Jealousy

On p. 4, Will says he's jealous of Henry. He was famous in his own restricted area of endeavor. "He could walk down the street and most people wouldn't know who he was. Imagine me with a famous father-in-law."

I feel this way regarding Orlando Cole. He's a pretty intimidating character to many people. But it's such a rare thing to interact with a major figure in the development of classical music performance over the past 80 years or so. I feel blessed.

But back to Will, he has such a poor concept of himself. He doesn't think he's worthy of it. I conceived him being a foil for Henry, as Watson was for Holmes. However just as more recent movies and books and TV programs have made more of the Watson character than did Doyle, I end up making more out of Will than I intended.

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Will, on Henry's Lifestyle

Will aspires to the lifestyle Henry enjoys. He says on p. 3, "Henry lived in a building full of nice apartments. They were the kind I'd always hoped I'd find myself in some day."

This is it? Retired to a building full of apartments with plush carpeting and French Impressionist paintings. If I'd been smarter when I wrote this, I would have added the word "copies" to the description of the paintings. It would have characterized Will more completely. Oh, well. Your books are your children, you raise them then you have to let the readers do the rest.

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Writing is, to me, an entrepreneurial activity. Entrepreneurial ideas are the life's blood of my writing. For my entrepreneurial course, go to www.hatman2.blogspot.com. For entrepreneurial real estate to www.yourstopforrealestate.com/blog

Will's Hat

On p. 6, Henry grabs Will's hat off his head when they go down to dinner. Will likes the hat on. He likes the limitations the hat provides. He complains when Henry does it. Henry at some level sees that Will needs to move beyond his current self.

I'm not sure Henry consciously realizes it at the time or Will knows it either but that's what it means. Later in the story, Henry doesn't try to keep Will from wearing it, which means that Henry's more comfortable with Will's limitations.

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Writing is, to me, an entrepreneurial activity. Entrepreneurial ideas are the life's blood of my writing. For my entrepreneurial course, go to www.hatman2.blogspot.com. For entrepreneurial real estate, go to and click on www.yourstopforrealestate.com/blog

Henry Harrier's Limp

I gave Henry Harrier a limp. It shows a limitation in his character that he overcomes when he gets on the chase. Orlando Cole, his inspiration, does not have a limp but he definitely is single minded in pursuit of whatever.

When a writer creates a character, they have to build walls that he or she must break through or which affect his or her path to whatever the character wants to achieve. How he or she overcomes them or how they defeat them is the stuff of story.

What do you think about the setting? I'd like to know. Post a comment.

Writing is, to me, an entrepreneurial activity. Entrepreneurial ideas are the life's blood of my writing. For my entrepreneurial course, go to www.hatman2.blogspot.com. For entrepreneurial real estate, go to and click on www.yourstopforrealestate.com/blog

Henry Harrier's Character, Part 24--Bending rules

Henry isn't afraid to step back from the law from time to time. Or, as Sister Aloysius, Meryl Streep's character in Doubt says, "Sometimes you have to step away from the Lord, but in the Lord's service," or words to that effect. Henry would agree with. Witness this bit of interplay from pp. 27-8:

The taxi drove away, and Henry handed me a pair of gloves, 'Here, put these on.'
'Gloves?' I said, shivering from the cold.
'Your powers of observation are particularly acute this morning,' Henry said.
'Isn't this just a little obvious?' My hands were shaking so much I could hardly get the gloves on.
'Obvious?' said Henry.
'I mean, what's it going to look like? We're going to rob the place?'
Henry shrugged: 'In a sense we are."

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Writing is, to me, an entrepreneurial activity. Entrepreneurial ideas are the life's blood of my writing. For my entrepreneurial course, go to www.hatman2.blogspot.com. For entrepreneurial real estate to www.yourstopforrealestate.com/blog

Henry Harrier's Character, Part 23--Fast-moving

Henry is nothing if not fast-moving. Smiley was also, and Orlando Cole certainly still is, even at 100. And Sherlock would move fast, too, when "the game was afoot." But Sherlock had the ability to relax when he knew there was nothing to be done about it.

Well, here's Julie's and Will's testimony to Henry's speed. Here's Julie talking:

'Are you going to be home by Christmas?'
I [Will] chuckled. 'At your father's pace he'll wrap it up in a few days.'
'I wonder about that pace,' she said. 'And he's almost 90.
'Never slows down for anything, does he?' I said.
'Especially not his daughter.'

Here's Julie's resentment creeping in at Henry for not being as involved with her as she would have liked him to be.

What about this? Are fathers as involved as they should be? Want to read more? Click on the book or order it right from here. What do you think? I'd like to know. Post a comment.

Writing is, to me, an entrepreneurial activity. Entrepreneurial ideas are the life's blood of my writing. For my entrepreneurial course, go to www.hatman2.blogspot.com. For entrepreneurial real estate to www.yourstopforrealestate.com/blog

Henry Harrier's Character, Part 22--Persuasiveness

Henry is nothing if not persuasive. Witness this dialogue between Julie (Henry's daughter and Will's wife) and Will on pp. 18-19:

I [Will] said we were going over to the Kearney School after he got back...
'Why are yougoing?' she said.
'To help him,' I said.
After a pause, 'You're going to help him?'
'He asked me to.'
'You said you would?'
'Yes," I said.
'He asked you to help him, and you said "yes."'
'You know yourself how convincing he is.'

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Writing is, to me, an entrepreneurial activity. Entrepreneurial ideas are the life's blood of my writing. For my entrepreneurial course, go to www.hatman2.blogspot.com. For entrepreneurial real estate to www.yourstopforrealestate.com/blog

Henry Harrier's Character, Part 21--Trustworthiness

Well, back to positive qualities. I gave Henry almost all good qualities but a couple of challenges so he could overcome them during the course of the story. Will has more bad qualities (Does that say something about me?) because who wants to read about a really bad guy, unless he's so bad you want to read to see how he gets his "come-uppance" or if he does.

But sometimes, it's best just to let a third character tell a second character about the character you're characterizing.

For example, this bit of exposition from p. 17. Will's speaking to Julie over the phone:

"Dad's a natural," she said.

I asked her what she meant. She explained how Henry could find out just about anything about anybody. People would tell him things they'd never tell anyone else. He seemed to know stuff without anyone knowing how he did it."

Here's Henry's perception and insight coming into it. I figured if I were successful in building Henry's character such that he would just know stuff, I could make the story go along more smoothly and the reader would more easily suspend disbelief when we got to a tricky part. Of course this ability of Henry's doesn't make Will feel very secure when he's trying to hide a big part of himself, as the next couple of sentences, which I didn't quote, show.

Do you thing it worked? I'd like to know. Post a comment.

Writing is, to me, an entrepreneurial activity. Entrepreneurial ideas are the life's blood of my writing. For my entrepreneurial course, go to www.hatman2.blogspot.com. For entrepreneurial real estate to www.yourstopforrealestate.com/blog